Why the Grinch Stole Valentine's Day!

Woman in a pink, frothy gown was on her way to meet her beau for lunch yesterday. I stopped, stared and gasped for breath as she walked into the lift, cloud of perfume around her. As soon as the lift doors closed, she pressed all the buttons on the panel and then, as the lift proceeded to stop on each floor, she popped out her coiffured head to determine whether the floor in question was the right one or not. 

At which point my teeth had started its familiar grinding action and I could hear my ears pop. High blood pressure alert! I decided to ask where she was headed so that we could all get there fast and, preferably alive.

So I asked but all I got in response was a cold stare. After a few seconds of staring, she rolled her eyes in disdain. “I'm going nowhere,” she hissed.

“Nowhere?” My eyeballs had all but popped out of their sockets.

"Yes," she repeated looking at me as though I was a Jurassic Age dinosaur that had survived extinction and landed up in the lift with her. "Yes, I told you, I'm going nowhere."

"Arrey Aunty, we are going to Nowhere Pub. Do you know where that is?" I heard another voice in the lift. Shrill and insistent. I looked and saw another girl, a tiny creature, hidden by the folds of pink chiffon. I hadn’t noticed her before.

I might have told her. But Aunty? I sniffed disapprovingly and said I didn’t know where Nowhere was.

They exchanged a snide look between them and when the lift stopped on the next floor, they let themselves out with a whoop of joy. Nowhere had been sighted.

I could hear the clickety clack of their heels as the lift door shut and I fumed in silence.

Now I know what the Grinch felt like. 

I’m going to steal Valentine’s Day and that’s final.