The Mummy! And it’s not a Review

Around the time Wonder Woman was leaving Paradise Island to put an end to the World War, another woman was preparing to wage war, of a different kind, on an audience of around 100 unsuspecting movie-goers.

As the story unfolded on-screen, through the corner of my eye, I saw a little girl (she couldn’t have been more than two or three years old) walk down the red, carpeted stairs of the aisle in the movie theatre in search of her Mummy.  “I want to go to Mummy,” she yelled out loudly in Hindi, startling everyone in the audience. I could see heads turning this way and that, all around me. We all wondered where the mother was and why she wasn’t with her daughter.

The little girl walked a few steps down, tottered in the darkness and yelled out for her Papa this time, undaunted by the loud “ssssshs” emanating from various corners of the auditorium. A figure, possibly her harried Papa, darted out in the dark and proceeded to pull her back to her seat. The little girl wouldn’t move. She had reached the landing. Her mission to find her mother seemed more urgent than Wonder Woman’s quest for Ares. God knows where the poor woman was hiding. I had half a mind to look for her myself so that we could all get on with the movie in peace but the husband gave me a warning look and I froze.

Instead I watched as Papa sat his toddler down on the steps next to my seat and kept her entertained for the remainder of the movie with bags of popcorn and cola that attendants delivered at regular intervals. The two kept up a steady stream of conversation that made it impossible for me to concentrate on the movie. I couldn’t even glare at them. It was too dark for them to see!

So I slouched back in my seat and sulked while Wonder Woman saved the World. Unfortunately for me, Papa and his little wonder had ruined mine! Several hundreds of rupees flushed down the toilet. I would cheerfully wring the Mummy’s neck if I spotted her.

Thankfully for her (not for me), she remained as elusive as the prospect of a relaxing movie night after a hard, work week!

Why the Grinch Stole Valentine's Day!

Woman in a pink, frothy gown was on her way to meet her beau for lunch yesterday. I stopped, stared and gasped for breath as she walked into the lift, cloud of perfume around her. As soon as the lift doors closed, she pressed all the buttons on the panel and then, as the lift proceeded to stop on each floor, she popped out her coiffured head to determine whether the floor in question was the right one or not. 

At which point my teeth had started its familiar grinding action and I could hear my ears pop. High blood pressure alert! I decided to ask where she was headed so that we could all get there fast and, preferably alive.

So I asked but all I got in response was a cold stare. After a few seconds of staring, she rolled her eyes in disdain. “I'm going nowhere,” she hissed.

“Nowhere?” My eyeballs had all but popped out of their sockets.

"Yes," she repeated looking at me as though I was a Jurassic Age dinosaur that had survived extinction and landed up in the lift with her. "Yes, I told you, I'm going nowhere."

"Arrey Aunty, we are going to Nowhere Pub. Do you know where that is?" I heard another voice in the lift. Shrill and insistent. I looked and saw another girl, a tiny creature, hidden by the folds of pink chiffon. I hadn’t noticed her before.

I might have told her. But Aunty? I sniffed disapprovingly and said I didn’t know where Nowhere was.

They exchanged a snide look between them and when the lift stopped on the next floor, they let themselves out with a whoop of joy. Nowhere had been sighted.

I could hear the clickety clack of their heels as the lift door shut and I fumed in silence.

Now I know what the Grinch felt like. 

I’m going to steal Valentine’s Day and that’s final.